she nanny guns, alas

   
      prologue

there once was a lassie called shannon
her tongue had the tact of a cannon
  she knocks at your door
  with the force of a boar
as fake as the press pass of gannon


*   *   *

cat got my tongue and ran off under the pier
where a selkie put it on a hook
for bait, casting into police state waters
to catch a cold bottom feeder
data damning my quarry
rich only with molars worn soft
then for a birthday anti-present
a trio of foisters
show up most pre-dis-invited
with the she-hag at our screendoor
clutching a discus of haggis to share
while her son holds a realtor's pitchfork
otherwise known as a gold nibbed pen
and inserts his foot in my door
as she-hag brusquely enters
trying to lop off my catkins with shrill verdict
"you're the worst son of a bitch
in the world" without exception
i take pride where the sheep hurting clan
storms my fort in gales of spittle
infectious with diseases
i would prefer to avoid
hence the longstanding unwelcome sign
nailed to their eyeballs in letter form
which must have punctured the gall bladder
for all their gall comes peeshing out
as a puddle reflecting their retreat
highlighted by an actual slap to the face
incredulously from grandma but when
she finally croaked
and her big sad man pants deflated
leaving a crease where the devilish tail
made a codpiece as wrinkled as
her tomb's cement which
read "here lies" not needing to go further into it all,
though not long thereafter the soil
cast her out with the first good rain
and she resembled cousin worm deepthroat
with his thousand hooks and sinkers
making medusa seem well kempt
as snarks are driven into the sea
boiling with some backward anger
once planted with potato like fervor
or built of shenanagins of lucky charm
if harm was not the pleasure ride
for those who never rot, like cedar vampires
leaving splinters for their family business cards
so this is raunching i ask as burn a debt
giggles from her ellis island curb
with a mouth full of venom laced peanuts
on tour thru the scablands of
walla walla: they sure look: at home.