Jesus glut (1987)

  

seen jesus yesterday in an

unemployment line in rural oklahoma. says i,

"hey o golden one, how swings yer staff

of life?" he replied "not so well.

the job applications all ask

for my parent's address. they tell me i'm

overqualified. things do not go well

in this time of oil-glut oklahoma."

*

god almighty gets out of bed

at 3 a.m. to use the toilet,

he groans and sighs

as beer belly merges with his bladder,

without his glasses on

he trips over beirut and rips his toe off

as he faints from self-pity

his head squashes nicaraguan nuns

just before contras can get them

as he regains consciousness,

some eternity later, takes an aspirin,

& changes his pee-sodden

bikini atoll briefs only to snooze

until the power lunch

set with satan at the lodge

*

jesus hit .999 his first season

as a royals rookie, he played the outfield and first

thru third bases

all was going great until he was indicted

in the largest cocaine scandal in

major league history. he

sat in the dugout and cried that he was 

a victim so they made him wear

a dunce hat in the corner& write

"i'm high enuff already" six billion

times in front of the pearly gates

*

god caught jesus smoking a pipe

&ditching school so he made him

whitewash the cliffs of dover

jesus got bored so he conned

millions of falwellians into spreading

his holy rouge

"if only ya give me one a yer women

  and a case of yer likker"

*

*jesus went out drinking one night

with his frat buddies he said

"betcha i can piss on that cigarette stub across

the street" and they took him

up on it

he flopped out his vienna sausage and prayed

to dad for a loaner miracle and his

dick became ten cubits long

he cleaned off the sidewalk

and flooded the world, his buddies got on

the ark with him and he passed out the poop scoops

to each and every disciple

*

god took his only son fishing

in a dinky dingy on a lake in lousiana

they put that boat in the water

&fish leapt into the hull

till it was full

then the dynamic duo loaded 'em

into the limo and were driven home

to have servants prepare them

over dinner they cursed 

good-naturedly about

"the one that was atheist"\

&fed the bones

to their cats

*

jesus checked the "direct relative of god"

box on his w-2 form which entitled 

him to the ideological dibs on the souls of the 

next 10 million fetuses born.

the irs called him in for an audit and when they

asked for proper id he pulled out

a stone tablet chiseled in

hebrew with the year zero inscribed

so off to leavenworth to work off a multiple

year sentence for the impersonation of a deity

jesus was ok with the judgement.

"shit, a couple of years ago

they  would have nailed my ass to a cross..."

didn't take long for the old man to

cut him loose though. he put

a lightning bolt in an angel food cake.

*

jesus was a latchkey kid,

nevertheless he was well loved. at bedtime

god would rock jesus to sleep

& tell him nitenite stories.

jesus was never tired. he'd

wait for god to go 

back to watching monday nite 

football or creating new third world miseries,

then he'd get out his gi joe doll

and take off his camo gear and

tie him down with dental

floss and let his play dinosaurs eat his

naked arms

1987 K.U.

LAWRENCE, Ks